The (Seemingly) Eternal Search for the Mature One

We've all been through it. The relationships that deteriorate because the other person is too immature to date or marry. They let the small things tear you apart; they become jealous of your ex, they suffer through sexual insecurity, they get angry at the wrong things, and they don't know how to properly communicate in order to work through issues. Either complete silence or yelling and anger seem to be their ideal forms of communication

So, we go on the hunt - the eternal search for the one that is mature enough to handle a relationship. Many of us believe that we must date someone who is older in order to find this. However, this become a problem within itself.

First, how do we know that just because someone is older, they are more mature? I've seen my fair share of older men that behave like neanderthals and treat those pursuing after him like pieces of llama shit. (In a future blog, I want to focus on why women and gay men are always drawn to these a-holes with whom their future is bleak; or non-existent.) This is not a general rule of thumb, and all men should generally be treated equal. We all mature at different ages, and it is never a guarantee that just because we have more wrinkles or gray in our hair that we'll treat you better or understand you moreso.

Secondly, and more importantly, if you do happen to find an older man who IS more mature, are YOU ready to potentially be the immature one? I've been on both sides of this fence, and trust me - there is no winning or better side. If you're younger and less mature, you must be humble enough to learn from your significant other; otherwise, you become the type of person from which you are escaping.... the naive, proud, young, immature know-it-all.

So, to make this point (and this blog) short and clear - be careful that you know what you're wanting. Be prepared to be both the mature and the immature one at points in your life. Be humble, quicker to listen than to speak, and slow to anger. Every obstacle in this life is an amazing opportunity for growth and education - don't let it be a trap that sucks you in and wears you down by being too prideful. Pride, just like alcohol (in my mind) is good - but only in moderation. In excess, you're left looking like a jackass - and likely to go home with the asshole that just wants to get laid.

Love is the Movement.... a Revolution

Switchfoot had a song called Love is the Movement - the chorus line read:

Love is the movement
Love is a revolution
This is redemption
We don't have to slow back down

I continue to be inspired by watching some of the people around me sweating blood, all to love others. Now, keep in mind, I live in California - it seems that the things that people fight for here aren't as important to people elsewhere in the country. In my hometown, I don't think people are raising money for HIV/AIDS awareness and assistance, worry about marriage equality, care about transgender issues, or work towards sustaining the environment. But here, those are real, genuine issues that people have given their lives for - or for which have had their lives taken.

Despite all of the odd things that people perceive to be happening in California (who else makes the actor whom played in the Terminator their governor?!), I believe California - particularly San Francisco - is a place where love is a movement, the revolution. We acknowledge the reality of the human condition. We acknowledge that we're all in this together. We acknowledge that the only way for us to stand united is to toss aside all assumptions and fears of the unknown. Let's face it - none of us really know each other. We're all unknown to another. Just because someone may be born differently, look differently, behave differently, desire something different than you or I - they're unknown. There was once a time when men and women of African descent were feared, and regarded as sub-human. It took much bravery and many deaths to get to where we now have our first African American president. I see this as a beacon of hope to all of those out there that feel oppressed because of their beliefs, gender identity, sexual preference, physical differences, etc. Our country didn't get to the point where the votes of Americans nationwide - including what some people say, the "Southern bigots" - elected a black president by being complacent and quiet.

The passion to cause a change and a revolution is still coursing through the veins of those to whom that God has given the bravery. I truly feel there are people chosen specifically to make people question their beliefs and principles. These are the people that see the broken world and immediately do what it takes to make others aware of what is missing, or work towards a solution.

People are often afraid to love until they are educated on what they don’t understand. Not everyone has the ability to see the soul of a person, and love them for being the brilliant creation that they are. Why is we get so wrapped up in what someone is wearing, where they live, or what they do for a living? What gives us the right to judge a person, not on their soul, but on the materials they own (or that own them)? I’m tired of seeing humanity stoop to this level of mediocrity – people watching Perez Hilton, instead of doing something to better the world, for example. We love to tear others down….I feel it helps us to avoid seeing our own flaws. It’s like the tactic of diversion; create a bigger issue elsewhere to avoid dealing with what’s really at hand. How long can we keep doing this, though? Certainly we must eventually grow out of it, right? As a society, what can we do to just spread the message of love, and not of discrimination? How can we steer away from celebrating misfortune, and celebrate freedom? Or am I just asking rhetorical questions, and am forced to live within the mess that we’ve created for ourselves? I refuse to accept the latter. Love IS a movement. Love IS a revolution. I'm ready to start this movement and revolution - I hope you're brave enough to join me....

Abundant Affection - Arising Agitation?

I blame the media.

We're over indulged with love (or Hollywood's idealistic and lofty concepts of it) which causes us to harbor fantasies of what it should be. Then, when we're in the midst of this wonderful miracle, we feel it doesn't fit the transcendental image of what we've been made to believe it should really be.

Frackin' Hollywood.

Is love serendipitous? Is it fate? Has our Creator (if you believe we have one) chosen a person (or a couple throughout your life) for you? Perhaps a combination of these - a story which Hollywood never tells, yet a story we all know entirely too well. It's crescendi and diminuendi paint our souls with bright, vivid colors - and leave gruesome scars. It gives us a reason to live, and a desire to die. As one of my favorite songs says, "You say that you would die for me, but you must live for me, too." How breathtaking is that thought - that someone is living just to love you, and be loved by you.... or is that just Hollywood talking, again....

Falling in love seems to always be by mistake - it's something that happens before we realize what has happened to us. Remaining in love, however, is a choice, I believe. We choose to stay up late to listen to someone rant about their stressful day, or cry over something paining their heart. We choose to modify our behavior and responses in order to maintain peace and make another feel comfortable. We choose to say, "I do," committing our souls and hearts to another for our life.... or so we hope at the time.

This is the battle of love - accepting it for what it really is, and choosing to stick with it, and not become disenchanted with what we've been told it should be. This is something in which we ALL fail.

I feel we allow ourselves to become distracted by the static noise of our relationships - the minuscule BS that steers our attention away from our hearts, but to a dark place where we begin to pick and prod at one another for crap that really doesn't matter to the big picture. I think we've all had that special someone that you find to be attractive (even when they first wake in the morning), who is patient and understanding, who craves your attention and showers you in theirs, who accepts you for who you are, who stands up for you, who surprises you with gifts, who cares for you moreso than they do themselves, who trusts you, who genuinely seems to care for and love you, for whom your loins burn... yet we pick apart the relationship with mediocre annoyances - "I can't believe you dated THEM!" "You did WHAT with that person before me?!" "You're going to wear THAT?" "You want to leave?? Well, I don't." "You're too picky with your food!" "You snore." "I'm not in the mood tonight."

In the big picture of love, are any of these really important? Are we wasting our time by finding the negative in another person, or are some of us bound and determined in proving to ourselves that perfection doesn't exist outside of ourselves? I mean - you believe you're perfect, just like I do, right? It's the other person that's always wrong, who's failing in the relationship; who isn't responding in the manner in which you want to respond - or better yet, how YOU would respond. God/Allah/Angela Lansbury, why can't people be more like you and I?!

Learning that I'm NOT perfect... and that many times, I've been the one failing in the relationship... has, to gently say it, kicked my arse. I'm trying my hardest to stop listening to that static noise, and focus on the Om/Aum that is Love. I'm trying my hardest to stop tearing apart those beloved, giving me reason to not trust them, and thus proving my superiority and righteousness. I'm trying my hardest to love myself in the same capacity in which I know I can and want to love someone else.

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Pissing in the wind, as my father said.

Or perhaps, if God is love, I just need more God in my life.....